I have this theory, a kind of philosophy if you will, and I quote; “friends come and go, but best friends, well best friends can change”. Growing up, I didn’t have a lot of friends outside my family. My dad was strict like that, so we were only allowed to go to my cousin’s houses to play. Most of the time the playing was at our house, especially if the kids in our street wanted to play. Enter high school… I took a while to get real friends, but when I did my life changed. We were a group of 3 and we did everything together. Our parents knew each other, and we got into trouble, (mostly with my parents). They had cool parents, unlike me. I had the overprotecting, overbearing, not showing a lot of affection type of parents; but those details are best for a different kind of story.
After school, we kept in touch, but my best friend and I lived different lives. We are still good friends, and when we are together, it’s like we were never apart. We never run out of things to say to each other. We can converse till the wee hours of the morning and I don’t even mind sharing her with others anymore. Enter college, new friends are met, friends that maybe didn’t like you at first but later on, become your bestie (is that still the in thing to say…Besties? Well, She was my ride or die, girl, my main achoose( pronounced ah- choose…it’s a kullid thing) she was my person in every sense of the word. Our friendship came as a surprise to me because I was very close to someone else at first, but then this girl stole my heart and my laughter. she was very funny.
College ended and we were still besties, but as months turned into years things changed. We lived in different parts of the world and by the world I mean South Africa, and by South Africa, I mean Eastern Cape. So the friendship started to fade. We kept in touch and to this day we still communicate. Whenever I was in or close to her side of the world I would look her up to the point where she gatecrashed a wedding that took place n her neck of the woods. She is crazy like that and very spontaneous, some of the qualities that I love about her.
Lately, it felt that we were really worlds apart. In the past, we would always make an effort for each other; especially when big things happened in each other’s lives like the passing of her mom and my dad, my wedding, etc. In recent times we have lost the going the extra mile ingredient. My daugher was born and recently turned 1 and she is yet to meet her. She has been in town on a few occasions but did not have time to meet up, always having her reasons. I remember how I once got a lift with some friends and we drove into her home time. I made these people take a break/pit stop in her hometown and called her up to see her even if it wasn’t for very long. I suppose I understand to some extent, I mean we have changed, our lifestyles have changed, we are busy individuals. I must admit realizing this hurts my heart even as I speak, I mean type.
I still consider her a best friend though, but I think the nail in the coffin of our friendship came when I realized that she moved back here and did not think to tell us about it. If you know my husband and myself you would know that we would have been the first ones to help her move into her place and celebrate the return of the prodigal, especially coz we know she doesn’t really have family here down under. For me this was the final strike/blow/ultimate slap in the face, I suppose I knew before that the friendship was no longer that of waare brase (true friends).
I know she probably has her reasons or side to it all but my side is all that really matters here anyway (just kidding). I too kind of might have had, some kind of role to play in the destruction of this friendship. I decided not to ask or confront her about this as I’m trying a new approach and that is the ‘everything happens for a reason’ approach. I mean, maybe it’s Gods will that it happened, you know the theory of people are in your life for a reason, season or a lesson, so let me not force something that maybe was never meant to last forever. Those who know me, know it’s not easy for me not to speak about something when it’s bothering me coz I feel like once I bring it up we can talk, maybe even argue about it, but then it’s out in the open and we can deal with it and then move on from there. This whole situation is heartbreaking for the emotional being that is me. I went from having a best friend to not even really being friends.
So since I can’t change other people, (except for my husband that is). All I can do is work on myself and try to be the best friend I can be to those in my life currently. Who knows maybe I’ll find the Karev to my Maradith( if she could get a new person after the Christina-Grey days on greys anatomy) then I too can have a second person, coz full disclaimer my husband is my person for reals, but I think I need a ‘waare-hondt’ (true friend/person) that I can talk to about how he great of a husband he is, a part from how he leaves his shoes where ever he takes them off, how he cleans by chucking everything in a cupboard and not knowing where he chucked it. I mean to think about it Hubby ticks all the MY PERSON boxes e.g.
- emergency contact,
- supports my career choices,
- turns my bad days around,
- he is there when I get my heart broken/hurt (not as in girlfriend and boyfriend heartbroken),
- dance party/praising it out buddy,
- vent person,
- exercise buddy,
- sleepover partner,
- supports my career choices,
Ok, so I have a person already, who says you can’t have 2 persons? Where is it written that you can only have one? Wait, guys hold the phone…I just realized that he may possibly be the reason my other “besties” didn’t work out coz he was/ is my bestie all along, insert mind blown emoji or gif. ok, so I may possibly be too greedy, wanting too many persons and not satisfied with what I have. Now I’m confused, I need to rethink this entire thing now. What do you guys think?
As always these are my Naked Bullets. If you have any, shoot right ahead in the comments section below. Would love to hear from you.
Bang Bang Naked Bullets Out.